i’ve been back from europe for five days now, and i can’t shake this feeling of disconnect. like i had a flow going before leaving on the trip and now that i’m back, i’m totally out of sync. i don’t feel the drive to keep doing all of the things i was doing. i look at social media and have no desire to engage. i look through my photos and video content and have no desire to share it. i go to work and have no motivation to get on the phone. vacation is a motherfucker.

to be honest i feel myself coming out of the haze little by little each day, and i’m sure by the end of the week i’ll be back up to speed. but i feel so weird right now. like i don’t know which direction to take moving forward. luckily i have plenty of work on my plate so i don’t really need to think too much about what to do. i have photos to edit from sunday, and even more to sort through from the trip - not to mention i still have a decent chunk of photos to run through for shanima from our photo sessions last month. and video - hell i have a crap ton of video to edit and publish. then of course there is distant future. i haven’t looked at that blog or thought about it at all since the day before we left for europe.

and probably the biggest issue i have to address is that of my employment. i need to tell my boss about my upcoming trip to asia this summer and i’m not looking forward to that conversation. he’s been super busy all week so i haven’t bugged him about sitting down for a meeting yet, but i’ll need to do it soon. i want to give myself plenty of time to find a new job if i need to. but also i really hope i don’t need to, because there is already enough on my agenda right now without adding that into the mix.

outside of all the tangibles, i’ve been feeling this urge to make a self-correction this week. while we were traveling, my wife’s parents fought a lot over little things, and while we have a good rapport at the moment, i could see how my own snippiness and attempts at humor could get under her skin and cause us problems in the long run. i also have noticed myself being short and testy with strangers this week and it feels all wrong. like the other day i ordered delivery at work and the guy at the front desk for my building wouldn’t let the delivery person come upstairs so i was rude to him. and then the cab driver who came to drive me home was trying to get me to walk to the corner and i was like naw man come to the address i have and i’ll meet you here. when he showed up he said that he was just trying to save us both time and i was kind of an ass about telling him that he wasted more time than it would’ve taken for him to just drive to me. i mean to be fair he was being a bit of a dick about it, but that doesn’t excuse my own reaction. long story short, i’ve got a case of post-vacay blues and i need to bring it into check. i’ve obviously got a lot on my mind that is causing my anxiety and it’s bleeding into my interactions with people in a way i don’t like.

solution? keep going through the motions, don’t get caught up on anything and remember to stay positive because honestly why waste the little energy i have this week getting mad about stupid stuff?

so for a spirit booster, i can think about this. i just went to three new countries during a five-country trek. i saw amazing things and took amazing photos of those things that i’m very happy with and proud to have taken. i have a beautiful wife who is so much fun to travel with and despite their quirks, i have a really good pair of in-laws who were pretty entertaining on the trip, too. i have a full line-up of photo work and an amazing journey ahead of me next month. what the heck do i have to complain about?